A lot of men feel intimidated by sex toys.
From the stigma attached to pegging and anal play on men, to the competition and fear of failure that’s often brought on by female vibrators, wands and dildos, the underlying idea seems to be that sex at its best (and perhaps most “natural) is penis in vagina (PIV) in three different positions.
While I do love those three positions (and many more!) of PIV sex, we need to embrace the knowledge that the range of sexual activities only stops where imagination ends. All bodies are different, and PIV sex is sometimes not what brings either party to climax (a lot of women need more direct clitoral stimulation), or PIV sex might not be possible due to erectile dysfunction. And of course, as a raucous bisexual, I’m pleased to tell you that sometimes a penis is simply not involved.
Imagination and roleplay, as well as tantra, massage, mutual masturbating, grinding and various kink practices are all part of what sex can be, and so are different sex toys.
Pegging and strap-on play are some of my favourite activities with lovers. The trust and intimacy often involved in exploring anal pleasure leads to arousing feelings of
connection and ecstasy. Add the intense orgasms that stimulating the area around the prostate gland on men brings, and you can understand why—although often secretly—both me and my paramours love it so much! Not to forget, a girl in lingerie and a strap-on is quite the sight, don’t you think?
Another type of toy I’ve found out about recently is the male vibrators that Hot Octopuss make. The particular kind of vibrations these toys use—oscillations— mixed with the design of these toys can produce both erections and ejaculations for men who for different reasons usually have trouble with this. This is an amazing toy for both those who are disabled and those who have erectile dysfunction (which is SO common, particularly with age). I’ve had some incredibly sexy and connecting moments using the Pulse III Duo with lovers, which stimulates both parties with its oscillations. Their Queen Bee vibrator is designed especially for clitoral stimulation and uses the same oscillating technique. Let me just say, oscillation is a new word to me and I'm INTO it..
Lastly, the good old magic wand deserves a mention. I got myself a Doxy wand last summer after an amazing experience at a sex party where I had one guy licking my tits, one guy fingering me, and a third one using a wand on my clit. As you can probably guess, this was an absolutely incredible experience. I’m lucky enough to have a very
greedy pussy and can come in all types of positions, but not all women work that way, and they specifically need very strong clitoral stimulation, either by tongue, fingers or a wand. And while my wand continues to serve me well during my solo wanking sessions, I think the point should be pretty clear from my example: toys are even better when used together. They shouldn’t be seen as competition, but are merely a great addition to what we can do together.
After all, the most important ingredients in sex are connection, consent and chemistry. Through this, we can figure out the most erotic ways of giving each other pleasure. Toys can be amazing additions to that exciting dynamic, but they can never replace the core ingredients.